 |
May 11, 2006
Perception and fears of nearly everything
I need to stop feeling ridiculous for finding
myself at 49. I love incense, and I buy Nag Champa at an Indian
card shop near where I work. When I was sick a couple months
ago, I stopped burning incense because I lost my sense of smell,
and I still can't smell too well. Same with my hearing. Sensory
deprivation. And I've been far-sighted without glasses for years.
Perception's a giant key to where I'm going. I need to make my
senses more acute. I want to dissociate now.
I'm a well, rolling belly, leaden, heavy.
Once Bill healed my feet. He only did reiki on my feet once,
and the pain went away forever. He said maybe my feet bothered
me because I was too rooted, and that made sense, considering
I'd barely left my house for several years.
Dread and sadness pressn. I'm crushed in a
line from throat to ass. Never noticed or loved my back. Invisible,
unworthy, bound tightly. I'm immobile and buried alive, Burning,
mechanistic, firey, floating. Heavy as a bronze bell and just
as hollow.
|
